I Decided to Not Compete and Quietly Create Dolls Instead - Chapter 35.1
I don‘t know why I asked such a question.
After finishing the plan of a surprise attack, the next thing left was to wait until Kajero’s recovery.
Maybe because of the fact that I wasn’t able to stand this loneliness, I started to count the stones on the wall and listen to a draft from somewhere far away.
“How is it like to be her doll? Would you mind telling me?”
I asked a stupid question. I immediately regretted asking that. Just what on Earth do I want to know about?
There is a being who serves Arutiria as a doll. While thinking about that, my mouth moved. But it’s still too ambiguous to know how to answer properly. Kajero might get in trouble as well. I’d rather not ask at all.
“Do you still feel unsure about My Lady?”
He sharpens his words and throws them back.
“There’s a beautiful woman nearby. It can’t be helped if a man is being aroused by such uncertain feelings.”
Each word pierces my heart’s shell, leaving a crack on it.
“But, what Firuka-sama has been anxious about? ‘This meaningless feeling can’t be called love.’ Then what is it? Let’s see. My Lady taught me alchemy, so now I’m working free for her. So just consider it as ‘returning a favor.'”
I could only listen to Kajero’s voice. It felt as though I was wrapped by the magic of confusion. All five senses just went away. The vision became hazy, and the coldness of the floor and the sound of the wind were vague. As if a soul was floating around, naked – that’s the illusion.
“‘Desire is a hand that reaches for the irrevocable past.’ These words were left by a certain person a long time ago.
You want to be My Lady’s doll. It’s true that it appears as a perverted wish. But there was no need to ask that question. Because there’s no feeling in this world that you can’t hold. Rather, what you should look at is what’s in the roots, whether it is the past that Firuka-sama wants to get back. Trying to fulfill your dreams without looking straight at them is like going on a trip without a destination. In the end, you won’t get to a satisfying endpoint. For example-“
A pristine sight crossed my mind.
…… My wish is clear – to get a cloth body. To serve Arutiria as a doll. But it felt like only Kajero, Warufu, and some others have been taken care of by her. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I want to see myself— no, only myself being taken care of by her. I want to lock the trapped Arutiria in a small room. Want to see a cursed mark of slavery being engraved on her neck. After that, she’ll become mine. However, I’m not satisfied with it. A life with Arutiria, who lost her free will, feels empty. Why is it so?
It was supposed to be a hallucination. However, it was overwhelmed by the weight of reality. I was convinced that such future was more than possible.
“What I showed you is the appearance of Firuka-sama, who had gone through different possibilities. Not being satisfied is not compensation for the past. Therefore, let me ask you, what is the real guilt that you carry?”
There’s no need to even think about that.
I broke my family.
…… My father was a highly skilled politician and a well-known alchemist. The subject of his study was to rejuvenate two lost elixirs. One should have been a meat substitute, “Guraniu Sacrament.” The other one was “Tribe Ringaru’s Wine”, a substitute for blood. Although he had repeated various experiments over the years, that one was a complete failure.
Moreover, factional conflicts around the next king were getting more intense. Father’s irritation was unusual. The air in the house felt just like a battlefield. Feria always shrank in her bed in fear.
I was so pathetic. I wanted to do something at the very least.
Rely on adults? It’s no use.
My mother, who had just turned 21, could only be anxious all the time. The servants didn’t get involved without any order.
Then, as a brother and a genius, I had to start moving. Politics couldn’t help, but alchemy was a different story. I could get rid of my father’s burden.
Even while sleeping, I was devoted to the research. Thanks to the advice of a wise man Asukurasua, I established the recipes of the “Sacrament” and “Wine” at the age of 10.
…… Nothing changed. Rather, it got even worse.
It seemed that Father felt humiliated because his own child overtook him. There were days when I barely came out of my own room. The battle for succession to the royal throne had reached its apogee. Mother started to play with animals as if to run away. My little sister was my only ally.
No matter how many discoveries and inventions I made with alchemy, I was never praised at home. As my father and mother didn’t care about me, they began to cherish Feria instead.
That was fine. What I wished for is for my sister to be happy. But a fellow named “fate” was quite terrible.
Feria lost three fiancees in a row, and the fourth one was trash who looked down on others. Normally I would have been against the engagement as my sister also hated him very much. Even so, he was a member of the royal family, and because Father couldn’t establish his position in the new royal government due to his withdrawal, there was no other choice but to get engaged.
And Mother, as always, was in love with cats and dogs. I couldn’t do anything either. First of all, I just didn’t know what to do.
Because of the new king’s direct order, they had to move to the western settlement. By the time I came back to the royal capital, the appearance of Feria had already gone. What was left in the mansion were only three people turning away from each other.
And it was like this until today.
…… That’s the past that I want to get back.
Thinking about that now, how pathetic I was. Disgusting.
What the heck is with “I want to be her doll.” Isn’t it just hitting the girl who is eight years younger just because of the regret regarding family problems? It’s not what a man does.
Who am I? A rare alchemist, Firuka Ruiwasu, right?
A genius, whether he wants it or not, can have a big impact on the world and that’s why he must be prepared to take responsibility. Keep running away from family’s troubles – just what a genius I am?
I often heard that it was better to stick with Arutiria Wisupu.
Besides, my little sister, Feria, came back to face our family. What do I have to do as a brother who keeps running away? As a man, as a genius, as an older brother, there should be something for me to do. A meeting of the Alchemists Association? Doesn’t matter. It is not the case of being carelessly kidnapped. I have to get out of this musty cave right away.
Let’s get the past back. Let’s start over with Father, Mother, and a little sister. Only then will my evil feelings for Arutiria be cleared up. I should tell her about my love proudly.
“Kajero, I’m grateful to you. Thanks to you, my hesitation is gone.”
All my vague five senses are perfectly clear now. I feel like I was reborn.
“Don’t mention it. I wonder if Firuka-sama would have been able to find the answer by himself. I just pushed your back a bit to speed you up. Besides, it is also a wish of My Lady for Firuka-sama to reconcile with his family.”
“To worry about such a thing, she is really kind, isn’t she? I’m even more likely to fall in love with her.”
“Then maybe Feria-sama will be the greatest enemy.”
“They are of the same sex, so it’s impossible.
Well, that’s the end of the useless story. We have to hurry up and return to the royal capital.”
…… However, there was some dry echo resonating. Clap, clap, clap, and so on.
Unknowingly, I got closer and started to hear it better.
“No, it’s wonderful, wonderful. Kajero-kun, Firuka-kun – let’s send them generous praise. To witness such a wonderful drama at the bottom of the Earth the world is still full of surprises. That ‘King of Evil Spirits’ teaches and guides young people.”
I knew that voice well.
A benefactor who once advised me about “Sacrament” and “Wine”. Nowadays he is just an acquaintance of mine with whom the only way to talk is through letters.
A wise man Asukurasua.
“The power to make the wall of one’s heart melt. Although I thought that this was a power to color with an evil whisper, I guess there is still something good with just one usage. Let’s remember this. Well then, it’s been a long time, Firuka-kun. Is your father healthy?”
Still the same as eight years ago – always with that playful behavior.
Centinni is doing translation for this novel
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